Adventures in Late Nite Catechism

And we all thought Sunday was a day of rest??????? Our Sodality spent this Sunday afternoon in a 1960’s classroom complete with the JMJ on the top center of the chalkboard and the picture of President John F. Kennedy (“our best Catholic president ever”) taped to the board. Sister quizzed us RELENTLESSLY on the old days in Catholic school and such topics as Easter Duty and Stigmata. We discussed heaven, limbo, purgatory and H-E-double hockey sticks as part of our lesson.

It was interesting to see how much fear she brought out in everyone as she walked up and down that aisle with her ruler. Sister informed us that she prefers the rulers with the metal edges. The “students” were even raising their hands to use the bathroom. The really funny part was that when “students” were called upon to give answers in front of the class is that their friends all tried to whisper the answers in their ears as they stood up in the “classroom” with their knees knocking to answer Sister’s questions in very timid voices. This, of course, also got their friends in trouble. Complete sentences were required for all answers beginning with, “Sister, the answer is …” We all laughed so hard that our muscles still ache.

Fortunately, no one in our class earned a seat in the chair in the corner of the classroom for bad behavior. Sister brought out one of the little chairs she had made over the years. It was small step stool, and the back of the chair was made from some of the many broken rulers that had snapped over the years as she whipped her students into shape. She informed us that she will be raising funds by selling some of these chairs on e-Bay.

She reminded us the priest used to have his back to the people to say Mass in Latin before Vatican II. Now he is turned around facing the people so that Mass looks like a cooking show. She quickly put those students who were dressed inappropriately in their place. She even made one student cover herself up with a tissue (like a bib) because was revealing too much skin.

Pursuant to a request from the Vatican, we voted on which saints should retain their status as saints (since there are way too many saints now) or whether they would join St. Christopher in – I was going to say limbo – but she reminded us that got abolished not once, but twice, so I am not sure what happened to him. St. Anthony was apparently kept on the list as his help was successfully invoked by a prayer to find a jacket lost by an audience member.

We also discussed the proper use of a St. Joseph statue. It has long been a custom to bury a St. Joseph statue in your yard when you are selling your home. (There have even been two very large stories about this practice in the Washington Post over the years.) When you are selling your house, it must be placed upside down in your front yard facing YOUR house. Otherwise you may suffer the plight of one of the audience members who accidentally turned the statue towards his neighbor’s house. The neighbor’s house sold instead of his own home.

At the conclusion of class, Sister told us that she has been doing this show for seven years. In that time, this theatre group has raised millions of dollars by collecting money after each show for different orders of local nuns, After all, it is not a true Catholic gathering without a collection!!!!!!!!!!! She stood outside with a large basket to collect money for the Holy Cross Sisters, the Sisters of Mercy and a third group that I can’t remember. One hundred percent of that money goes to the directly nuns themselves.

After the show, we raced across the street to secure some seats at The Olney Ale House a long tradition in Olney. We continued to reminisce and laugh there over a wonderful meal.

Check back here shortly for some pictures we took. I am having a hard time getting them up.

Posted by Sue Ballmann